Gratitude: Thanks Giving

by Kenn Duncan
A dharma talk given November 26, 2024

We have this holiday coming this week, something I’m reminded constantly by my good friends from England that we only celebrate here in the U.S.  It’s a bit of a strange holiday when you trace it’s origins, and it’s become a time when some people do take the time to stop (just before the deluge of the next holiday, Christmas, and all that brings) and share thankfulness, gratitude.

I like the name of this holiday — Thanksgiving — because it sort of holds the idea of both giving and receiving. 'Thanks' and 'Giving' carry this sort of wonderful mutuality of giving and receiving. It's an expression of appreciation and even an expression of kindness, to give thanks and to be thanked.

There's a story about Siddhartha Buddha, after he was enlightened, that he spent a lot of time gazing day and night the Bodhi tree under which he was enlightened, in gratitude of the tree. The protection and the support it gave him for this amazing experience of freedom and presence that he discovered. The Buddha didn't teach much about gratitude specifically, but it is said that he made the statement that no one is injured in feeling gratitude. This idea that no one is injured, that you won't be injured in feeling gratitude is a wonderful thought.

I started something with my daughter when she was little, especially after a rough day. After she would share her difficulties or struggles, I’d ask her to share something that may have happened that she was happy or grateful for.  In a short time we’d just start sharing with each other things we were grateful for pretty much every day.  
I’ve taken this with me to this day. At the end of the day, usually my final meditation includes a run down of all the things that may have happened that lifted me up, or made me smile, or made me feel good or grateful.  The idea of doing this is not to do it forcefully or pretend things are better than they are. The idea is to really reflect on what we genuinely appreciate.

This acknowledgment of gratitude is something that's developed over time because there are a lot of things going on in daily life that we sometimes can take for granted and don't think about. We start slowly, and over time, we recognize, oh… that was a good thing, I really appreciate that. And realizing there's more and more people to appreciate — more things to appreciate. And then from that appreciation, comes gratitude and maybe a deep feeling of thankfulness.
 
So often gratitude can be an expression that is not expressed, and it's just something we feel inside. It's one of the common emotions I have, at the end of a meditation session. I feel both great appreciation and I feel gratitude. It’s one of the reasons I like to bow at the end of meditation practice — to give expression to the refuge of the 3 jewels if nothing else: buddha, dharma and sangha.

A Google definition of gratitude is that it’s the quality of being thankful, readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.
There is appreciation first, and then has to be the recognition of what we've received.
So often when I do my little exercise for appreciation at the end of the day there are more things to appreciate than I spend time appreciating in the course of a day. We get busy, and when we do we just go from one thing to the next, and sometimes not thinking about things too much.

    I’ve heard it said that to practice real gratitude is to pause in front of reality.  To take a moment to stop and take something in. If we're always going and getting, wanting or running or pushing away, there's very little opportunity to appreciate whats right in our midst. When we are in this constant movement without mindfulness we narrow or even close the window to the opportunity to appreciate.

But to pause, to slow down or even stop, to receive long enough to recognize what's happening, that we're receiving goodness, receiving something beneficial.
To pause in front of reality is a time to be more open to reality, more open to see it in a new way. We become better able to take our time to experience things in a new way. Even, or maybe especially, when it’s a tree like the Bodhi tree, or a flower, a sunset, a sunrise — or a smile or laugh from someone, even someone you don’t even know.

In some ways meditation can be seen as one long pause in front of reality.

It’s a reasonable response to reality — gratitude. Entitlement is not. To feel like we're entitled to things, it closes the doors, it closes the possibilities of deep appreciation and gratitude. Maybe it’s the less we need to have, the less we need to prove that provides a deeper appreciation. Maybe we don’t need to expend the energy of wanting, grasping, asserting ourselves, because something beautiful is supporting us and nourishing us.

To be grateful and appreciative, we have to be pretty comfortable with ourselves. Not feeling insecure, anxious, or that we are lacking in or for something. Even if we are having these insecure feelings, the practice open ourselves up and we appreciate the gifts that are given or what's happening in the reality right in front of us. It may open us up to a whole new way of seeing as well.

Gratitude is a practice. It's a practice that can inspire, bring joy and contentment. Take these first two steps:
First, recognize, know what it is that we've received. And then we appreciate that with an emotional feeling.
What that emotional feeling may be will vary with each situation, each person. But hopefully it’s something that allows us to open, open our hearts or our minds, or both.

Gratitude is a choice.  Choosing to focus on what we appreciate, partly as a counter to the tendency many people can sometimes seem to have towards a negative bias towards things. Instead of this negative inclination, we can choose a positive tilt. Now, it might be the choice that takes a little work, we may have to remind ourselves to choose the positive, the appreciative outlook, but over time, it can become second nature.

Imagine going about your day, going through this world appreciating things.  Beginning by appreciating the people you're with, it may even be a stranger.

This choice, instead of starting with caution, fear, wanting, grasping, closing down, running away — all these things that we might be used to doing, or even wanting to do right off the bat.
Appreciation is a kind of pause, before judgement, before action, before we jump to a negative lean.  No agenda, no purpose, but a pause in front of reality — it can be just seconds — so that we have time to appreciate the goodness of it, the specialness, the gift of it.
With people maybe taking a moment to meet people where they are, meet yourself where you are and just appreciating them, or you.

In so many ways appreciation and gratitude can create a new vision of our world.  Not so much living in a new reality, or a new life. But it's taking the world we live in and seeing it in a new way. Seeing it with more appreciation and more gratitude.

It's hard to imagine Dharma practice unfolding very deeply and fully without it. To practice the Dharma is also in a certain way, to pause in the midst of reality.

The more I’ve explored, experienced and been touched by the dharma the more I feel it is a phenomenal gift.   
Even states like concentration, I don't take them for granted that I can get centered, I mean sometimes that flow, that concentrated state doesn’t happen.  But when it does, what a wonderful gift. And now pause, appreciate it and open to it and experience it fully.

Practice the choice — not to habituate ourselves by our desires, our wants, our distractions, our fears, but to live a life stirred and motivated by gratitude. Gratitude for all we’re given, all we receive.

Pause, recognize what has been done for us, let that impact our hearts, our minds, our feelings. And then if we choose and are moved to, with wisdom we spread this, we can express that gratitude and appreciation outward.